drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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