I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
