just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
