Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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