Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
