dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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