whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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