It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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