I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize