I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
