I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
