tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
