Michael Bay diarrhea
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
