it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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