I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
