Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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