I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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