There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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