How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
