So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
