You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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