there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
