Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
