Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
