dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your topless pictures make me question reality
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
