youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
