I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
