Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
