I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
