This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
