Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
bring money and cleavage
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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