I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
