you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
