Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
