I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
