How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
