can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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