Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
