Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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