I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
