this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
