Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
