My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
