Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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