a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
