She is in my trunk
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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