Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
