Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
