Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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