maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
