All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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