Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
