This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I stole a fireplace last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
