we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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