just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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