I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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