Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
