What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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