He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
