then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
