Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
