Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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