What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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