Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
