I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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